Saturday, July 11, 2009

Trib wine critics review . . . Gatorade?

So this is somewhat off-topic, but too funny not to share. A while back this Onion article in which a "potato chip connoisseur" describes the flavor of Sour Cream & Onion Lays as "robust without overpowering the fragile potato" made the rounds and everybody had a good laugh. Even the most hardcore beer reviewer has to step back and laugh at him/herself every once in a while, right? Well, this might be even funnier because it's real. Behold, from today's

Michael Jordan's Hall of Fame flavors lack distinction
Critics pan new sports drinks released in his honor

Gatorade, one of Jordan's longest partnerships, is releasing a Limited Edition Jordan Series to honor his September induction into the Naismith Basketball Hall of Fame.

There are three new flavors, each representing a phase of his career, and each comes in two different labels. Sports drinks are certainly not meant for sipping but, nonetheless, we asked our wine critic Bill Daley and his wine tasters to temper their palates and rate the taste, the color, the aroma -- and the aura -- using the same criteria they use with finer vintages.

Then: Championship blue (berry cherry blend)

Two labels mark his early rise to stardom, including high school basketball in Wilmington, N.C., where he was cut from the varsity team as a sophomore, and his heroics at North Carolina.

Review: Bright Scope peppermint blue color. Smells like Hawaiian Punch's Fruit Juicy Red drink with lots of ripe berry scent and a slight citrus spritz. But taste is thin, like over-watered Kool-Aid. Potassium is noticeable but not overwhelming. Short, tart finish. Serve with protein bars, vanilla ice cream, Skittles.

Now: Championship gold (citrus orange blend)

Gatorade says these labels "shine a spotlight on Jordan's business acumen." One represents him as part owner of the Charlotte Bobcats. The other plugs his company Michael Jordan Motorsports.

Review: A golden color only an urologist could love; more opaque than the other. Smells like Tang on a bender or melted orange Life Savers. Tastes harsh, chemical-like. It's citrus without the sweetness, like chewable vitamin C. Serve with pretzels, popcorn, Waldorf salad.

Forever: Championship Red (berry blend)

This flavor highlights his "enduring legacy." One shows his career highlights. The other focuses on Game 5 of the 1997 Finals, where he overcame the flu to score 38 points "all while drinking Gatorade on the sidelines," the company says.

Review: Strawberry colored and strawberry scented and, more or less, strawberry flavored. Think Jell-O before the chill sets in. Serve with sliced bananas, strawberry pie, grilled pineapple, potato chips.


So how funny is that? I think my favorite is the pairing with Skittles, as it reminds me of an exchange I had with Kevin at the Michigan Beer Buzz blog in the comments section of this post.

Anyway, to keep this somewhat beer-related, I'll add the following notes for the record... Finally finished off our Maibock on Thursday night so I put the Hefe on tap yesterday. Meanwhile I'm hoping to rack the Black Moon to the keg today. Looks like I'll have to give the (really old) Dunkelweizen the boot soon!


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